Peace Loving

You should know. I’ve been a bit emotional the past few days. My heart isn’t quite right. I’m not quite myself. A little distracted. A little heavy. A little unfocused. And it wouldn’t be right if I just pretended like everything was fine.  Because I know you understand. You’ve had those times when you don’t know why you’re struggling so much. You’re confused. And burdened. You don’t quite understand why everything keeps moving when it feels like you’re standing still.

You’ve been there. I know you have.

I woke up at 10:27 yesterday morning. 10:27! I never sleep that late. Even on vacation. I felt like a sack of bricks. I fought with myself not to go back to sleep. It’s telling of the emotional exhaustion.  Do you want to see what it looks like? Do you? I mean, as long as we’re being honest. Baring our souls, and all.

There she is. In all her morning glory. No make up. Dirty hair. Puffy eyes. Tired face. It’s really a rare glimpse. Don’t get used to it, dears.

But despite the rough beginning, the day was truly, honestly redeemed. Most of the issues got resolved. Time was spent in difficult conversations. Honesty ensued. Hearts mended. Grace extended. And I was entirely encouraged by a verse I read yesterday in James. I was looking for help with what to do. How do address the situation. What to say. But most of all, I was looking for wisdom. And I stumbled on this: “But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness” (3:17-18).

Isn’t that the secret behind all relationships? Behind love? Isn’t that the way to resolve situations? To make things right?

After a few words, a few tears, a few prayers, Brandon agreed to go on a walk to get some relief. Fresh air. Distraction. We took my new camera along just in case we saw something picture worthy. It was good to hold hands, stroll along, talk. We ended up down by the water of our peninsula. I veered off to the edge to see if I could find some crabs, and I was entirely surprised to see this:

What is that? What could it be? Brandon! Brandon! Come over here. Come look! Quick. Hurry up! The sting ray kept bobbing his fins out of the water, munching on the treats stuck to the side of the sea wall.  I’ve never seen one of these so close! And let’s face it, this is the only way I’m ever going to let myself see one up close. Out of the water. Dry.

It was as though God knew the heaviness of my heart and wanted to give me a little pleasant interruption. Like He was trying to get me outside of myself. To see his creativeness. To see the bigger picture. Brandon told me that these creatures are generally non-aggressive. Docile. Peace loving. Gentle at all times.

And honestly, I feel better. Much better.