Alpha Male

There’s something you should know. My dear husband is an alpha male. The type who likes action flicks and spear fishing and football and red meat and dirt and grunting. And because of this healthy bout of testosterone running through his body, he aches to throw down. And by throw down, I mean wrestle. He lives. Loves. Longs to wrestle.

And let’s face it. I’m delicate. Fragile. And I hold the key to his future fatherhood. He can’t just pick me up and throw me across the room the way he’d like to. No matter how manly—my tears mess him up. But there’s a catch. We have a pool. In the pool, all code of etiquette is thrown out. And I’m thrown out with it. Dunking. Throwing. Flipping. Twisting. Tossing. I’m lucky if I get a breath.

So I know better than to get close to Brandon in the pool. But his cousin? Oh dear. Oh my. His cousin lives far, far away. It was just a family vacation to Hawaii. A quick visit. A catch up. How could he know? He doesn’t know Brandon like I know Brandon. He didn’t understand.

It seemed innocent enough at first. He just went to give Brandon a friendly nudge. A splash here. A bump there. But then he latched onto Brandon’s neck.

Oh dear. Brandon wouldn’t have it. Get out, cousin! Get away! Run while you can!

He tried. Really tried to escape. But just look at the determination on Brandon’s face. The ferocity. The desire to give what was coming to him. He’s reaching for the knees to get him off balance.

Too late for our dear cousin. There he goes. Man down. Man down.

And here it comes. The Full Nelson.

Don’t even bother, cousin. It’s no use. You’re done. You’re going down. Those manly arms are too much. He’s too strong. Mmm. Much too strong. Sigh. Fan self.

It’s a solid grip. He’s going to—wait a minute. Wait just a second. What is that? Is that what I think it is? There on his back. Do you see it? Could it be? It must be my eyes.

Flipped. Twisted. Tossed up. Slammed down into the water at full force. It was all over. He didn’t stand a chance.

Did you happen to notice his face? Just look at him. Absolutely loving it. Scoping out his next victim. And where was I? Laying out dry on a beach chair cataloging the whole thing. Dry. And safe. Admiring from afar. Just like I like to be. Did I mention I love when family comes to visit?