Of Frankie and Firsts

Because this is the weekend of love, I thought I’d share a bit of my own love story. But I want you to see something first. This is my most favorite on screen kiss ever. It turns my inner romantic. It’s the characters’ first kiss in the movie, Dear Frankie, and if you haven’t watched it, you should.

Just a couple things:

1. Your computer volume is working, there just isn’t any sound. Just like it is in real life. I love it because it’s like we’re actually there in the moment.
2. The kiss takes about 40 seconds of staring. That is uncomfortable. Painfully long. And I love it because I don’t know any other movie kiss that builds as much anticipation.
3. The kiss lasts about 3 seconds. Soft. Sweet. Gentle. Full of passion without a lot of action. I love it because of its simplicity.

Keep that in mind when I tell you: my first kiss with Brandon was exactly the opposite.

Our first kiss was unexpected. At least, not at that very moment. It was during the summer we first met, and I wasn’t even sure he liked me. Brandon was over at my dorm to watch a movie and needed a ride home. We had been flirting for at least a week by now, so I volunteered. Four days was all I had left in Hawaii. Just 4 days, and I didn’t think I was ever coming back. I was getting anxious. Does he like me? Am I going to see him again? Why doesn’t he just make a move? I had to think of something quick. He lived just 5 minutes down the road, and I needed to get him alone to see how he felt. So I asked, “Do you guys have any bluffs or anything that would give us a good view of the island?”

Good excuse, right?

He smiled. I blushed. And then he told me to turn up this winding road to a place called Tantalus, overlooking the Honolulu area. But when we got there, the gate was locked to incoming vehicles. No matter. He told me to park down the road a bit and we’d hike up. And then I learned “hike up” really meant “jump a steal fence and dart behind trees on our way to the top.” Because it was federal land. And we were breaking the law. You should know, it is fun to break the law with a boy.

When we got to the top, we saw this. Romantic, isn’t it? (This is an actual picture from that night.)

We leaned against the rail, not really knowing what to say. Looking at the lights. Looking at the curve of the ocean. Grazing elbows softly in the dark. He wouldn’t look at me—completely uncomfortable, tense even. He barely talked to me from the time we left the car to the time we reached the railing. It was awkward. And I was beginning to think I’d made a mistake. A humiliating mistake. Was I moving too fast? Did he not want to get involved? Was I reading the signals wrong?

I then reached out my hand to touch his back. Maybe it would ease his tension? Help him relax a bit?

And without even one word, one glimpse, one hesitation, he spun quickly on his heal, grabbed my waist, and pulled me tight against him. Before I even had a chance to realize what happened, he kissed me. Hard. Right on the mouth. Like he’d been waiting to do it for weeks and finally found the courage. It was intense. Dramatic. Solid. It was a rugged, manly kiss. He knew what he wanted and he took it.

When he pulled back, he softened a bit and smiled at me. I just stood there shocked. A little numb and tingly, I’ll admit. I had wanted him to kiss me all night, and when he finally did, it knocked me off balance. It was different. Different then other first kisses. Different because he didn’t assume I would want to kiss him. He wasn’t expecting it from me. He was quiet all night because he was trying to find courage—to talk himself into it. He didn’t know I’d want to kiss him back, which is why it was so hearty. He was jumping in with both feet and taking full responsibility. Like a man should.

It was unexpected in delivery. The kiss in Dear Frankie is incredibly sweet and soft and full of anticipation. It is my ideal kiss. But I needed something different with Brandon. I needed him to take charge and show me he was the man I’d been looking for. I needed him to catch my attention. Which proves the point that what we think we want and what we actually want are quite different. It also proves that the unexpected is often more fruitful than the planned—something I need more in my life.

Happy Valentine’s. I hope you find the unexpected.