It’s finally here. Oral comprehension week. This Friday, I’ll sit in front of a board of faculty and try to state everything I’ve learned over the past three years into well-formed, logical presentation. Yes, I’m intimidated. Yes, I’m nervous. But this final examination process has been a long time coming. Hooray that it is almost done!
But you’ll have to forgive me. I need to take time out to focus on last minute preparations. I’ve got to practice, practice, practice while I still can. Do you know what that means, readers? I have to shut down. Ignore creativity for just a few days. Block out anything but libraries and information and databases and cataloging. And yes, that means this here blog.
But I put a little something together for you over the weekend that you may like to see. The following are excerpts from my journal over the last few years. It’s the story of my prayers leading up to this moment. This is the whole reason I journal—to look back and see how perfectly things line up, how they connect, how they show God’s hand in my life.
This is Part I: Lost in Ambition:
“What do I want to do with my life? I’m not sure. I don’t think I want to be a journalist anymore. It doesn’t seem inviting to me. What kind of work would make me happy?” – 01/31/06
“Brandon knew something was wrong. I started to cry and told him I had been struggling again with the whole ambition/purpose thing. He hold me and prayed for me while I wept. It revitalized me. I had been having a pervading sense of dread about starting another week. After he held me and walked me through it, I felt renewed. My desire to have a purpose—to have something to work for has not faded. I still crave. Yearn. But yesterday I felt like God was telling me to hold on—that he was working on Brandon, building him up, but that I’d have my turn later. Basically it sounded like God was saying, ‘Just wait a while and then I’ll show you. Be patient.’ So I will try to wait.” – 02/06/06
“Work with me Lord and develop me into who you want me to be. Is working for a newspaper what you want for me? Associated Press? Honolulu Magazine? You know what my heart desires. Where I want to be. But I can’t do it without you. I pray that you lay the job in my lap. That you would show me exactly where you want me, even if it is not in the same field. Help me to be open and willing to do your work no matter what the job. Please put a desire in my heart that leads me to the next state, career, passion in life.” -03/19/06
“God, thank you for giving me such an obvious message. I know that you will do some great work in Brandon and me. You understand my impatience, my desire to plan, my ambitions for a career, a life, my tendency towards stress. What are you telling me Lord? What do you want me to do? I understand. You want me to trust you. You want me to trust in the promises you have for us. It’s not of my own planning. ‘If the Lord wants us to, we will do this or that. (James 4:15)’” -03/28/06
“I have hope for what will come. There are things I’d like to do. But I realize I need to be happy where I am right now, but I need your help. I need you to make things clear and purposeful for me. Show me how to fit in here. Show me how to make a mark. Show me how I can be used. Help me to be joyful, cheerful where you have me.” -08/06/06
Tune in tomorrow for Part II: Realizing the Purpose. 
I remember some conversations we had.
I’m finallllllly catching up on some blogs here, and I absolutely loved reading your journal excerpts. I need to get back into the habit of prayer-journaling, because when I look back on those few times when I wrote it all down, it sure helps me to remember how God has worked in my life.