Twelve years ago, I stood hand to hand with my peers in the middle of our church. It was time to wrap things up, to pray us out to face another week. We stood there quietly, pivoting our feet, listening to the prayers dance around like popcorn. Then one of the parents helping for the night started to pray.
“Thank you, Lord, for the opportunity to get together and worship. I pray for those with eyes still open, that they would accept you into their hearts and realize your grace and mercy…”
Excuse me, what?
Those with their eyes still open? Who? Me? Because my eyes were open. Wide open. As they usually are when I pray. It helps me to focus on what’s being said. Once I close my eyes, a flurry of thoughts and worries and considerations start billowing through my mind. Closing my eyes makes me forget where I am.
No, I need to keep them open. It keeps me in the moment.
But did he mean to tell me that I had lost my salvation by simply refusing to keep my peepers shut? It’s not possible. Is there something wrong with my heart? It couldn’t be. I was aware of this grace. This mercy. And isn’t it grace and mercy that allows us to go boldly before the throne anyway?
Along the way I learned a lot of other things I should and should not do. I should raise my hands and cry during worship. I shouldn’t slouch during the sermon. I should clap at the appropriate times. I should stand for hymns and sit for contemporary music. I should use words like “fellowship” and “born again.”
And I know why we do it. Respect. We’re showing respect for the God that gave us life despite ourselves. We try to minimize distraction and maximize the opportunity for praise. We follow traditions and speak a certain way and do church in hopes that we’ll get a little closer to Him.
But last Sunday, I still had my eyes open—twelve years later.
Because I just can’t figure out how it really matters. The purpose, the point, the end-all is the condition of our hearts. If our hearts are not right, then no amount of standing or clapping or crying will do any good. I have to think, will God still hear my praises if I hum instead of sing? Will he still know I’m listening if I lean back in my chair? Will he still hear my prayer if I refuse to close my eyes?
Yes.
Because He’s God. He looks at my insides, not my outsides.
“…til the Church can sing “free at last”.
When we were little I remember if I had my eyes open while dad was praying for dinner, mom would say, “Ann, why were your eyes open?” It took me a few years to realize that if she KNEW my eyes were open, that meant HER eyes were open, too.
Ha, Ann, that’s too cute. I don’t remember that. I’ve caught her recently looking at me when we pray too. I think she just likes to see her daughters praying.
lovely.
I use to think if you opened your eyes in the middle of a prayer you had to start over.
would you sing that, Everybody Duck, song for us?
I thought you’d think of that song. I’ll see if Brandon will record it with me.
Did I mention how nice your eyebrows look?
haha, i miss those days with you! that family gave us a lot of fun memories. you are at 6 you need to come down to about a 2.
on a serious note: God does love your insides and your outsides. you are his treasure and his beloved
Keep those eye open!
HA! I knew you’d respond to this. I’m pretty sure it was your hand I was holding, and I’m almost positive we gave each other a weird look when it happened.
Don’t worry about the keeping your eyes open/closed. I sometimes start to fall asleep when praying with my eyes closed, even when I’m the one doing the praying!
Don’t we have a patient Father!
I must confess that, as a kid/teenager, I was totally of the mindset that opening your eyes during a prayer meant you weren’t “into” it. But while I was at APU, I remember a few times when I kept mine open because, like you, it helped me to stay focused. Sometimes it made my prayer time feel more powerful to be able to look at the beauty all around me, whether it was beauty in people, in the sky, or in the realization that I was so blessed to be exactly where I was. So I’m with ya. Praying with eyes wide open is not by ANY means wrong or sinful. If it works for you, do it.
(And sorry for the total slackage of comments! I’m trying to catch up…)