Miracle of Birth

Our second “Miracle of Birth” class was last Tuesday night, and we’re starting to get into the nitty-gritty of pregnancy and birth. We both really like going to class—not just because it’s good to feel prepared, but also because it’s super interesting to learn about the details of this birthing stuff. It’s really amazing, you know? The unbelievable miracle of human life. The way a mama’s body prepares itself. How everything—pain and pushing included—just comes together to plop out a not-so-tiny baby.

Anyway, as we were preparing to drive to the hospital, my sweet husband said, “I’ll go tonight, but I don’t want to see a bunch of vaginas.” Because last week’s topic was labor and delivery. And we all know what they do in labor and delivery class. BIRTHING VIDEOS! Which means rampant, stretched-out vaginas everywhere! YIKES.

It’s just not something you see every day. I’ll be the first to admit that it’s a little disorienting to watch a watermelon pop out of a donut hole on a big screen. Especially a watermelon that is slimy and goopy with a full head of hair. Especially if you’ve never seen it before. Especially if you’re surrounded by 70 other people watching the same thing. Especially if you’re trained your whole life to look away from—um—donut holes. It should be private. It’s awkward. It’s a little unsettling.

But so interesting, right?

We watched this one video that took us through an entire labor and delivery. The mama had a doula and her husband there the entire 14 hours of labor. We were watching to see the kind of support the coaches would give to help her make it through the contractions. I found it enlightening to actually see the kind of techniques people use during labor. And Brandon and I have always wondered what kind of person I’ll be in the delivery room. Quiet? Cranky? Needy? Despondent? Strong? Inconsolable? We don’t know. And how I’ll react is largely going to have an effect on the way Brandon will support me.

But I learned something from the video. I absolutely will not be able to put up with superficial statements of encouragement. The doula kept saying things like “you’re doing such a good job” and “you can do it” and “just breath through the pain and let everything go.” Which sounds good on paper, but she was almost degrading in the tone of her voice. Almost belittling. Like she was just spewing the words out when the woman was obviously in the worst pain of her life. I was irritated with her, and I wasn’t even in labor. How could the mother stand it? How did she not punch her in the neck?

But the husband? The husband was really amazing to watch. Strong and silent. He was there through every contraction and every break. He didn’t fill her up with meaningless comments. He talked her through it when she felt like she didn’t have any more strength, but he was quiet when she needed to focus. He walked with her. He sat with her. He held her hand. And what was most appealing was the fact that he was intuitive to her every need. He never lost focus; he was always on point.

So when we left class that night, I told Brandon my thoughts about the video. I want him to be like that husband. Focused. Intuitive. Resilient. Mentally present through the whole 14 hours. I won’t make it if Brandon idly sits by and spews out thoughtless remarks. I don’t need that kind of encouragement. I need a partner. I need someone to draw strength from.

But you know what Brandon said?

“Carrie, please—I started to feel so competitive with that husband. I can do so much better than him. You wait, I’m totally going to blow him out of the water.”

Sweet, isn’t he?

We’ll see how it goes. I think we both feel a little more prepared either way. And I’m encouraged that Brandon already seems intuitive to what I’ll need on that day. It makes me almost ready to get it over with.

Almost.